


All My Love To Long Ago

by Es_Aitch



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Episode: 2017 Xmas Twice Upon a Time, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-13 15:46:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Es_Aitch/pseuds/Es_Aitch
Summary: How I would have preferred “Twice Upon a Time”…  Sort of.  I kept a lot of elements the same to respect the story given to us, with a few adjustments.  (It's basically a fix-it for the elements that conflicted with established canon and/or missed opportunities.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I did a canon review of First Doctor, because he felt so incredibly OOC in TUAT, but I didn’t want to write a fix-it without that review. I felt the Twelfth Doctor was OOC in a lot of this episode, so I needed to fix that too. And then there were other things that I just wanted to do with this story. As an extra challenge to myself, I tried to refrain from saying ‘First Doctor’ or ‘Twelfth Doctor’, hopefully that doesn’t make the story too confusing. 
> 
> The chapter lengths very substantially in this story because I wanted to maintain the natural breaks the episode gave to us. Mostly from the Twelfth Doctors' POV.
> 
> * * *

The TARDIS materialised with a thump that made the Doctor stumble slightly.  His clothes were a tattered mess, the result of blowing up Floor 507 on the Mondosian Ship that was parked too close to a black hole.  He paused as he made sure he had his footing beneath him.  He looked around the TARDIS.  She was silent.  He didn’t like that.  “Where have you taken me?”    


He looked towards the doors and breathed heavily a few times.  He was still struggling with the fact that he somehow survived 507 blowing up and got into the TARDIS.  The TARDIS was still silent.  “If you're trying to make a point, I'm not listening.  I don't want to change again.  Never again!”  He turned away from the Central Column and leaned against one of the outer control panels.  “I can't keep on being somebody else.”    


He paused in thought.  It wasn’t that he was bothered by regeneration.  No.  It was everything that went along with it.  He just was tired of always having to relearn everything.  He had lived through hundreds of billions of lives in the Confession Dial, twenty-four years with River, and all this time on Earth guarding the Vault.  A Vault that proved completely fruitless, since Missy had abandoned him in the end anyway.  It was all just pointless.    


Decision made.    


“Wherever it is, I'm staying.”  


With that he exited the TARDIS and she closed the doors behind him.  The regeneration energy tried to take him over again.  He screamed.  “No!”  Then he thrust his hands into the snow.  “I will not change!”  He pulled his hands out of the snow and looked at them.  He was shocked to see that the regeneration seemed to have stopped.  He hadn’t expected that to work.    


Then he heard a voice muttering in the distance.  “No. No. No.  This is all very far from over.  I’m not nearly close enough.  It can’t happen here.”  


He called out.  “Hello?  Is someone there?”  


The voice answered back.  “Who is that?”  


“I’m the Doctor.”  


“The doctor?  No, I don’t think so.”  The figure came closer.  The Doctor could nearly make the figure out.  The voice came again.  “No, dear me, no.  You may be _a_ doctor, but I’m _the_ Doctor.”  The figure came into full view and, to the Doctor’s shock, it was someone who wore his first face.  He was wearing a black cloak and hat, a white scarf, and those plaid pants, that he was certain were still tucked away in the TARDIS somewhere.  The other man’s hands came to the lapels and gripped them. The man concluded.  “The Original, you might say.”  


The Doctor maneuvered off his knees, he turned in a slow circle to take in his environment.  His wonderment couldn’t be hidden.  It was the last place he ever expected to arrive.  “We’re at the South Pole.”  


The other man raised an eyebrow.  “Yes.  You do know that it’s a rare thing that people come to such an exotic location and not realise it.”  


The Doctor circled the other man, in utter bewilderment.  He had encountered his previous selves before, but never like this.  Not at a time that was so critical.  “This is… the very first time.  That I… you… _we_ regenerated.”  


The other man raised an eyebrow in near horror.  He had never encountered someone who knew anything about Time Lords who wasn’t on Gallifrey.  The Doctor continued.  “You were trapped by the Cybermen.  Ben and Polly freed you.  You’re on your way back to the TARDIS,” he took the other man’s hand in his own, “because you’re terrified of what might happen if you regenerate without her protection.”  


The other man snapped his hand back.  “How could you possibly know so much about me?”  He walked over to the TARDIS to distract himself from the stranger before him.  He wanted to get a proper look at it.  “What have you done to my ship?”  


The Doctor was more pleased than he could express.  “You’re still calling it a ‘ship’.  I wonder when I changed that…”    


The old man continued.  “It’s got bigger somehow.  Expanded.”  


“All those years of bigger on the inside.  It eventually makes a difference on the outside.”  He grinned for a moment, but it was time to put an end to this trip down memory lane.  His tone became more serious.  “Why are you trying not to regenerate?”  


The other man again looked horrified, but recovered quickly.  He lied easily.  “I have the courage and conviction to live and die as myself.  Regeneration is a ridiculous process started by Rassilon in an attempt to live forever.  But, we all know what such changes lead to.”    


He tapped the side of his head.  After all, the psychosis from too many regenerations was why it had originally been capped at twelve times: thirteen bodies.  Both of him knew that.  


The Doctor couldn’t disagree with that.  But he had to stop this nonsense.  “A few minutes ago, you were weak as a kitten, right?  Now you're fine.  But if you, if you die here, if your future never happens, if you don't do the things that you are supposed to do, the consequences could be...”  


“…The snow!”  The Doctor in the cape had an expression of shock, while the other man was nattering on, he was still paying attention to what was going on around them.  He was so shocked that he couldn’t even complete the sentence.  


The Doctor looked around them.  “It’s not just the snow.  It’s everything, look.”  He pointed to the arora borealis.  The light was not in motion at all.  Suspended animation, one might say.  “Maybe it’s us.  Wouldn’t be the first time two or more of me in one place has caused time to go pear-shaped.”  


Before either could say anything more, a bright light shone forth and a soldier in a World War One uniform stumbled forward. “She’s coming!  She’s coming for me!”  


The Captain made his way to the protection behind the two men as a translucent figure appeared.  The Doctor in the plaid trousers murmured more to himself, “Not human, I think."  Then he continued, confronting her.  "State your planet of origin and your intentions. This is Earth, a level five civilisation.”  


The Doctor chimed in.  “And it is protected!”   


The light disappeared, as did the woman.  The two Doctors looked at each other.  The one with silver curls spoke, almost in shock, “Okay… that doesn’t usually work.”  


The other looked aghast at his future self.  “My dear boy, what do you mean ‘It’s protected’?”  


The Doctor pulled a face.  “No, no, no.  Don’t do that.  That’s weird.”  


“What is?”  


“Calling me ‘boy’.”  The Doctor ran his hands through his hair.  “Oh, it is very early days, isn’t it?”  


The man with white hair had turned from the Doctor and looked the Captain over.  “Look at you.  Shock, I think.  Now, come, come, let’s get you into the ship.  I have things on board that should set you right as rain.”    


He made his way to the TARDIS to open the doors.  The Captain pulled a face.  “The ship?”  


The Doctor came up behind him.  “He means, ‘Get inside the box.’”  


“Yes, yes.  Thank you, but I don’t need you to explain…”  The reprimand from the man in the cloak dropped off as he stepped inside the TARDIS and found something he certainly wasn’t expecting.  “My TARDIS!  What has happened to it?  No, no, no.  This is wrong.  Not in the least bit right at all!”  


The Captain followed in and was dumbstruck.  “But… It’s… It’s bigger on the inside.”    


He turned to go back out to confirm what his eyes were telling him, but the Doctor was behind him and was pulling the doors closed.  “You know, I thought it might be.  Someday I should really take measurements just to make sure.”  


The Captain used the time to collect himself a little.  “What is this place?”  


The other Doctor had recovered from his shock.  “It ought to be my TARDIS, but something dreadful has happened to it.”  


The Captain was indulging himself by looking around the ship.  He had never seen so many electronic lights before.   


The Doctor rolled his eyes, went to the monitor, and pulled it around so the other Doctor could see it.  “Well, it will be your TARDIS one day, yes, but not yet.  Technically, _that_ is your TARDIS – seventy feet that way.”  He made a gesture with his hand to show the direction.  


The other was past the point of tolerance.  “Enough of this!  Who are you?”  


The Doctor's tone again became more serious.  “You know who I am.  You knew the moment you saw me.”  


The other had removed his hat and cloak and handed them to the Doctor.  “I assure you, I have no idea who you are.”  


The Doctor hung the hat and cloak on a coat tree and came back to the other.  “You can run and run, but time eventually catches up to all of me.”  With that he held his hand up to show the regeneration energy pulsing through it.  


The Time Lord took a couple of steps away from the Doctor.  He spoke slowly.  “You.  Are.  Me?  No.  No.”  


The Doctor nodded.  “Yes…”  


“Do I… _become_ you?”  


The Doctor smirked.  “Spoilers.”  


He tilted his head.  “’Spoilers’?  What does that mean?”  


“It means, that the answer to some questions have to be lived rather than just being provided.”  


By this time, the Captain had made his way around part of the top level to come down another set of stairs.  “I hate to be a terrible bother, but I don’t think I’m feeling at all well.”  


The man with white hair went to the Captain to help him to sit.  “Oh, dear, dear, dear.  I was completely distracted.  We need to help you.”   Over his shoulder he spoke to the pilot of the current TARDIS.  “Get him some brandy.”  


The Doctor raised an impressive eyebrow.  “What makes you think I have any?”  


The other had put on his spectacles to take a better look at the Captain.  He turned to look at his future self and just gave him a look that said he knew he drank alcohol in his older age.The Doctor held up a finger and was about to argue against the unspoken comment, but then he thought better of it and pointed the finger for a moment at his younger self.  “Good point.”    


He went down to one of the roundels and opened it up.  He reached past the Alderbaran brandy and took up a different decanter and a glass for the Captain.  The Captain looked between the men.  “I think my head is getting away from me.  Who are you people?”  


The Doctor returned and handed the decanter and glass to his younger self, who in turn poured the brandy and handed the glass to the Captain.  “I am the Doctor, but that’s not important.  Here.  Get some of this down you.  It should help.”  


The Captain nodded his thanks and the other handed the decanter back to the one with the impressive eyebrows.  The Doctor rolled his eyes as he took it, walked away to put it in its place, and muttered. “And clearly, I’m your man-servant.”  


As he came back up the stairs, the TARDIS shook violently.  The man with the plaid trousers looked around.  “Goodness gracious me!  What is that?”  


The Doctor went to the monitor but couldn’t see anything but sky, so he ran to the doors, opened them and looked around.  He saw giant clamps around the TARDIS and chains that were pulling the TARDIS into a space ship.  He ran back to the console.  “We’re being abducted.  Fancy that, aliens abducting aliens.”  


The other nodded.  “Right, well, just dematerialise.”  


The Doctor tried.  “I can’t get the engines to start.  Hold down the emergency thruster engagement button.”  


The original looked at the other as if he were mad.  This contraption had more buttons than the jacket of a scarecrow.  But he grinned, when he realised the console wasn’t as different as he thought.  He held down the button.  “Right, go on.”  


The Doctor tried again.  “No, it won’t work.  There’s some sort of signal blocking the path.”  


Just then, the jarring motion stopped.  A female voice boomed around them.  “Exit your capsule.  The Chamber of the Dead awaits you.”  


The two Doctors stared at each other for a moment.  The one with the tattered clothes nodded.  “I’ll fix the engines.  You keep her talking.”  He made a shooing gesture.  


The original nearly protested at being ordered around, but decided the other was too stubborn to listen anyway.  He exited the TARDIS.


	2. Chapter 2

The man with the plaid trousers stepped out of the TARDIS into a large room.  He was at the bottom of a very long staircase and he was surrounded by many archways that would occasionally light up.  The female voice gave him an order.  “Look around you.  You stand in the Chamber of the Dead.”   


Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor was trying to watch what was happening.  When he noticed the Captain taking an interest, he tried to move the monitor so he couldn’t see.   


Out in the Chamber, the woman continued.  “You are known to all here, for you are the Doctor of War.”    


The Doctor inside the TARDIS tensed and froze in place momentarily when she announced that title.  The Captain gave him a knowing look.  The Doctor refocused his attention to the monitor.  He did not like where this conversation was going.  As it continued he and the Captain exchanged uncomfortable glances.   


The man in the chamber spoke defiantly.  “The Doctor, yes. But war is usually the thing I’m trying to prevent.”   


“We offer you a gift. Return to us the human on your TARDIS and in exchange, you may speak with her again.”   


“Speak with whom?”   


A shadowy figure walked out of one of the ground floor archways.  The bright light behind it prevented anyone from being able to identify it.  It was short in stature.  The eyes of the one watching on the monitor widened in shock as hope against all hopes burst through his chest at the prospect of the person.  He rushed to the doors to see with his own eyes.   


The Doctor in the Chamber questioned her.  “My dear, who are you?”   


Finally, the woman was in proper lighting so that she could be identified.  She spoke to him.  “Grandfather?”   


She ran forward and embraced him. He returned the hug.  “Oh, my dear child!  But what are you doing here?  How could you possibly be here?”   


Not that either of them cared.  They simply held on to each other.  Just then the Doctor with tattered clothes came out of the TARDIS in complete shock.  It took a moment for his voice to catch up to the emotions he experienced.  “S-susan!”   


She turned in her grandfather’s arms to face the other man.  She tilted her head a moment in confusion.  Then she smiled.  “Another regeneration?”  Then she ran to embrace him.   


This was wrong.  All of his senses were telling him that.  But holding her in his arms again… for a few brief moments, he didn’t care.  Finally, he released her and pulled out his sonic screwdriver.  “Keep still, please.”   


“Grandfather, what are you doing?”   


“You’ll be fine.  I just need to take a reading.”  He checked the results.  “Susan.”   


She smiled.  “Yes.”   


“My,” he looked behind him at the other Doctor, “ _Our_ granddaughter.  We left her behind on Earth in 2164 with her husband-to-be David.  The last time I saw you… You refused to come with me; to stop me….”   


Susan replied.  “I couldn’t go with you.  But I never stopped having faith that you’d do the right thing.”     


The other Doctor looked between them.  “Whatever are the pair of you talking about?  The last time I saw her was with the Time Scoop.”   


The Doctor turned to face him.  “Oh! Spoilers, sorry!  My past, your future.  Point is,” he turned back to Susan, “She was on Earth, helping to rebuild it after the Dalek invasion.  Doing a bang-up job raising her son.  So, let’s make one thing very, very clear," he took a step back and gave his declaration to the entire chamber, "No one imitates our granddaughter.  No one mocks her!”   


Susan scoffed with humour.  “Your granddaughter is standing right in front of you.”   


“How is that even possible?  How did you get _here_?”   


She looked around with a worried expression.  “I don’t… I can’t remember.”   


The Doctor nodded once as he pursed his lips.  “I bet you can’t.”    


She wanted to distract him.  “What’s happened to the TARDIS?  You fixed it so the windows are right.”   


The other Doctor chimed in.  “She got bigger on the outside.”   


The Doctor looked between them.  He pulled a hand down his face.  He wasn’t about to go through all of that.  Instead, he aimed his sonic to scan her again.  The other man rushed past his older self and embraced her in a protective fashion.  “You just put that thing away!   She’s terrified, can’t you see?  If you cared so much for her, you’d stop this right this instant!”   


The Doctor checked his readings.  “Impressive.  Only three low-key markers to indicate that she’s a duplicate.”   


She protested.  “I’m not a duplicate.”  She turned to the man she travelled with.  “You tell him, you believe me, don’t you?”   


Her first grandfather nodded in reply.  But he knew such a protest wouldn’t go far, so he tried to distract the other.  He gestured to the device in the other man's hands.  “What is that contraption?”   


“It’s a sonic screwdriver.”   


“An audio screwdriver?”   


“No.  It’s… it can communicate with all forms of matter.  Give me readings.  Except wood.  It’s still very bad with wood.”  He looked around him.  “But that’s not the question.”   


Susan was regaining her voice.  “Then what is the question?”   


“Who’s been stealing the faces of the dead?”  With that, he started to make his way up the long set of stairs.   


The Doctor next to Susan hugged his granddaughter again, then released her as he started to follow the other man.  She moved to follow.  He turned back to her.  “No, child, you stay here.  I’m going to follow him, but I want you safe.  So, this once, listen to me and stay put.”   


“Yes, Grandfather.” She replied reluctantly.   


He got to the top of the stairs just in time to see the shimmering light of a transport beam flash in front of them.  A woman made of glass was sitting in a chair.  The other Doctor was looking intently at the figure, in a very serious tone, he questioned her.  “So, what are you?”   


As the glass woman explained, all the different archways lit up and remained lit.  “We are what awaits at the end of every life. As every living soul dies, so we will appear. We take from you what we need and return you to the moment of your death. We are Testimony.”   


The most recent Doctor needed to confirm what he was hearing.  “You come from the distant future. You travel back in time, find people at the exact point of death, and what…?  You harvest something from them?”   


“Yes.”   


“On behalf of the dying, what is it that we have that the future needs so badly?”   


The younger Doctor jumped in before she could answer.  “And what has any of this to do with a World War One Captain landing at the South Pole in the wrong decade?”   


The Doctor had to clench his teeth to prevent him from saying anything.  He wanted his question answered and now he wasn’t going to get it.  The glass woman answered the other Doctor.  “We were returning him to the appointed time and place of his death. An error in the timeline ejected him into the wrong time zone.  Now his death must proceed as history demands.”   


The Captain had been following all of this on the monitor inside the TARDIS and now that he heard this information, he exited, and called up to the Doctors.  “Excuse me!  Doctor?”   


Both Doctors turned and ordered him using the same intonation, “Get back inside the TARDIS!”   


They looked at each other for a moment.  It was becoming increasingly clear to the original Doctor that he was indeed seeing his future.   


The Captain continued to speak.  “I'm not quite sure, but it seemed to me that this young lady's life was being offered in exchange for my own. As it happens, I think my number is pretty much up anyway…”   


Susan gaped at the stranger who came out of the TARDIS.  “What are you talking about?  Grandfather?  What is he talking about?”   


The Captain smiled at the woman.  “…Might as well make it count, eh?  I should be happy to take your place if it would resolve this situation.”   


Before anyone else could say anything, the woman representing Testimony replied, “Accepted.”   


Susan was greatly concerned now.  “No!  This can’t happen.  Grandfather, you can’t let that happen!”   


The Doctor with the curls stared at her, too dumb-struck to formulate a reply.  The younger Doctor responded.  “Then, Susan, what could I possibly do?”   


Her expression was one of resolve.  “Do what you told me to do: go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I’m not mistaken in mine.”   


The two Doctors looked at their granddaughter with an expression of pride.  The faces were different, but they carried the emotion the same.  Then they looked at each other and gave a nod to the other.  Finally, the Doctor with the eyebrows turned to face Testimony.  “Here's what's going to happen:  first, I'm going to escape."  He gestured to his younger self.  "You, with me.”   


Susan grinned with pride and excitement.  It had been so long since she had experienced this and she was glad to have the chance again.   


The Doctor started down the stairs and the other followed.  “Where are we going?”   


Testimony replied, “Escape is not possible.”   


The man with grey curls continued.  “It _is_ possible and it is happening.  I’m taking Susan and the Captain with me!”   


The original Doctor was scandalised as he followed down the stairs.  “Why are you advertising your intentions?  Only they’ll stop you.”   


“Oh, very early days, so I’m bringing him too!”   


Testimony repeated with more conviction, “Escape is _not_ possible.”   


The Doctor turned back and ran up a few stairs in response to her challenge.  “Oh, I'm going to do way more than escape.  I'm going to find out who you are and what you're doing, and if I don't like it, I will come back!  And I will stop you.  I will stop all of you!”   


The other Doctor had enough.  “Just who do you think you are!?”   


With all the conviction he could muster, he replied, “The Doctor!”   


“ _I_ am the Doctor.  You?  I cannot begin to imagine.”   


Testimony stood and raised an arm.  “Then let us show you, Doctor.  See who you will become.”   


Suddenly, little glass baubles came out from all of the different archways.  They were filled with images from most of the Doctor’s past.  All but his Second self.  He found that curious.  After all she was giving quite the spoiler, but he supposed it wouldn’t do to show the next one on.   Oh well.  She was showing many of the battles he had faced and enemies he had defeated: Davros, the Cybermen, the Time War…  He sighed and informed her, “Erm, you know, that’s not a good idea.”   


But she ignored him and explained.  “The Doctor has walked in blood through all of time and space. The Doctor has many names.”   


One of the baubles showed Davros saying, “Destroyer of Worlds.”  Another showed the Shadow King saying, “Great Destruction of the Universe.”   


She continued with her own list.  “The Imp of the Pandorica.  The Shadow of the Valeyard.  The Beast of Trenzalore.  The Butcher of Skull Moon.  The Last Tree of Garsennon.  The Destroyer of Skaro.  He is the Doctor of War.”   


The older Doctor was a bit horrified to see Susan looking at all the baubles with a sense of wonderment.  It was nearly pride.  He moved toward her to reprimand her for it when they all stopped.  He glanced over at his first self.   


That Doctor was beside himself.  Literally and figuratively.  He stared at his future self with an expression that shifted from horrified to foreboding.     


Susan voiced the question clearly visible on her Grandfather’s face.  “What was _that_?”   


The Doctor looked a little sheepish.  “They cut out all the best bits.  There was a reason all of that happened.”  He moved away from her to stand between the three people he was planning to help escape.  “Do what I do when I do it!”   


He aimed his sonic screwdriver at the hatch beneath the TARDIS to open it.  Then he sonicked each of the spools of chain, releasing them so the TARDIS would descend again.  “Jump!”   


With that, he jumped onto one of the chains and the others followed suit.  They held tightly to the chain as they descended rapidly to the ground.     


They could hear the woman say, “They are not escaping!”   


She raised her arm again and the chains came to a sudden stop.  The Doctor looked up and back down.  He loosened his grip on the chains so that he would slide down to the top of the TARDIS.  The others followed his example closely behind.  Once all were on the roof he called out again.  “Quick!  Jump!”   


They all jumped into the snow just as the chains were taking the TARDIS back to the ship.  They stood and watched the TARDIS ascend.  Susan looked around.  “What do we do now?”   


The Doctor grinned.  “Run!”   


The Captain looked around.  “Where?  They’ve got the box.”   


The Doctor took a step towards him and looked at him pointedly.  “Yes, that’s exactly what they’re supposed to think.”   


The Captain pointed up.   “They do, though, look!”   


The Doctor grinned again.  “They’ve got _my_ box.”  He gestured to his other self.  “Off you go.”   


The other Doctor took out his key with an impish grin and offered his arm to Susan.  “Come along.”   


Susan beamed when she saw his TARDIS.  “Now that’s how I remember her!”   


The Doctor with the key unlocked the doors and opened them.  He rushed inside whilst the other Doctor ensured everyone got in.  The Captain stopped outside.  “Do all of these Tar-dises always look like blue boxes?”   


The Doctor with the eyebrows couldn’t be bothered just then.  “I’ll explain later.  Inside, quickly.”


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor rushed into the TARDIS as his younger self started to set some coordinates.  “Anywhere in deep space, go, go, go, go.”   


“Yes, yes, young man.  Patience.”   


The Doctor grimaced at the word 'patience'.  “Sorry, that’s something you still haven’t learned yet.”   


The Doctor with white hair looked over his future self and swallowed thickly.  “Yes, well, erm.  Coordinates set, but the navigation systems don’t function properly, I’m unable to program our flight with any accuracy.”   


The Doctor stood between Susan and the Captain and spoke up in a stage whisper. “He means he doesn’t know how to pilot her.”   


Susan giggled softly as the Doctor with white hair grimaced at him.  The other replied to the look.  “Oh don’t look like that, you do learn eventually and become one of the best pilots around.  Well, one of the only pilots around for a while.  But you fix that, not to worry.”  He had to change topics quickly.  He had forgotten how bothersome it was to have younger versions of him around.  The time difference had never been greater, and probably never would be again.   


The Doctor with the white hair shook his head at him and changed the topic on his own.  He put his spectacles on again.  “Susan, come here my child and let me take a proper look at you.”   


“Oh, Grandfather!”  She rushed to him and embraced him.  “I have missed you.”   


The Doctor was setting some coordinates, since he did know how to pilot the TARDIS and once that was done, he just stared at the pair feeling a little forlorn.  He had missed her too, but this wasn’t her, it was all a lie.  A lie that made the twang of jealousy utterly ridiculous.  But he couldn’t quite keep it off his features.     


Susan noticed and released the man she had been holding.  She approached the jealous one.  “You still think I’m nothing but glass.  But you’ve missed me.”   


“I’ve missed my granddaughter.”     


For a brief moment he reached his hand out towards her, tempted to touch her.  But quickly reached into his pockets for his sonic shades.     


The pilot of this younger TARDIS protested.  “What in creation are those?”   


The Doctor held up a hand to stay the other’s protest.  He put them on and aimed them at the monitor.  Testimony appeared on the screen and the Doctor grinned.  “There you go.”   


He then put the shades on the original Doctor as he explained.  “If her face was based on a human original, all we need to do is identify who that was and then we’ll be one step closer to understanding Testimony.”     


The Doctor with the white hair looked around confused.  “Why am I wearing these?”   


The older Doctor grinned.  “Doesn’t matter!  I love it.  Never take those off.”   


The Doctor in the shades questioned, “What’s ‘browser history’?”   


The Doctor with grey curls quickly took the sonic back.  “Never mind!  I’m trying to match her face in the TARDIS databank.  But like you, she’s still very young.  There’s hardly anything there yet.  We need a bigger database.”   


The Doctor with white hair suggested, “The Matrix?”   


The Doctor shook his head.  “Bigger.  Something that holds the history of most of Time and Space.”   


Susan chimed in.  “That would seem to be _your_ TARDIS, Grandfather.  The one we left behind.”   


He stopped his pacing and smiled at her.  “There are other possible places.  I’d say The Library, but it’s completely over run with Vashta Nerada.  We’d never get out of there alive.  Think, think, think, think, think…”  


As he started pacing again, the Captain looked at the monitor.  “So basically, we’re trying to track the Glass Lady, right?”   


Susan nodded. “So it would seem.”   


He continued.  “She’s quite a striking creature, isn’t she?”   


The original Doctor came alongside him.  “Well she’s not really a creature.  She’s kind of like this monitor, only really fancy.”   


“She is very fancy, that’s for sure.”  The Captain agreed.   


“Of course!”  The Doctor called out to no one in particular.  He moved over to the console and input a few coordinates.  Then he closed his eyes.  He hoped the TARDIS would understand who he was and would take him to that still point between where he wanted to go and where he needed to be.  She was so young, he wasn’t sure if she could do it, but it was their best chance.   


Moments later the TARDIS materialised with a gentle thump and the doors opened.  Susan looked out.  “Where are we?”   


The original Doctor looked at the readouts.  “You’ve piloted her perfectly!”   


He offered a small smile as he replied.  “So will you, one day.”   


The owner of this TARDIS continued, “We’re at the very centre of the Universe.”   


The Doctor nodded, he was transfixed at the scene of destruction in front of him.  This was one of the few places that still showed the total devastation that was his use of _The Moment_.  He swallowed thickly at the sight.  He didn’t like being reminded of what he had done and so he often avoided it.  He turned to face the others.  “Out there is the most comprehensive database of all life anywhere.  There’s just one tiny little problem.”   


The other Doctor and Susan both suspected where this was headed so they remained silent.  But the Captain, who was clueless, asked, “Well, old boy, don’t keep us in suspense, what’s the problem?”   


The Doctor raised his eyebrows, somewhat to hide his excitement.  “It wants to kill me.”   


With that he grinned and turned to exit the TARDIS.


	4. Chapter 4

The little group exited the TARDIS.  Three of them looked at the devastation around them and gasped quietly.  The Doctor explained, "The Weapon Forges of Villengard. Once the nightmare of the seven galaxies, now home to the dispossessed. Last time I was here... Well, never mind that now."   


He had told Captain Jack Harkness that he had planted a banana grove here.  That was a lie, of course.  He lied often back in those days.  Because he wanted to believe that  maybe one day he would make up for all the devastation he had caused.   


There was something scuttling about making the brush move and a small chittering sound as it went along.  The Captain became jittery as he looked around.  He pulled out his pistol.  "There's something moving over there!"   


He moved to investigate, but Susan tried to stop him.  "No, wait, let Grandfathers do it."   


The Captain ignored the plea and leaned forward.  "Probably just rats, I've seen hundreds of rats on the battlefield."   


Just then something jumped up onto his face.  It looked like a mutated octopus.  The Doctor pulled out his TARDIS-Shaped sonic and aimed it at the creature.  A moment later, the creature screeched, released the Captain, and scuttled off.  The Doctor tried to calm the Captain.  "Just take deep breaths.  That's it.  You'll be fine, I promise."   


Susan stepped forward.  "Grandfather, that creature... it looked familiar."   


The curly-haired Doctor nodded.  "It's mutated a bit since you've seen them, but I would think it would."   


The younger Doctor stepped forward.  "Is that what I think..."   


"Yes, I daresay it was."   


The Captain gasped again getting the attention of the others.  The Doctor nodded to him.  "Get him into the TARDIS."   


The original Doctor helped the Captain along and nodded to Susan as he did.  "Keep an eye on that one."  He gestured his head to the Doctor.   


Susan smiled, "Of course, Grandfather."  She then turned her attention to the other.  "If those are Daleks, why are we here?"   


The Doctor offered a small shrug.  "The biggest database in history.  Don't worry, they'll settle down again in a minute."   


Susan looked around trying to find a structure for where the Daleks might live or any technology they would have.  She didn't see anything that she thought would be helpful.  "How are we going to talk to them?  I don't see any casings around that would allow for that."   


The Doctor shook his head.  " _We_ don't do anything.  I do. You're going to wait in the TARDIS."   


"Grandfather, don't be ridiculous.  All that time you wanted me to come with you, now I can! You're not doing this alone."  She paused, and her eyes narrowed as she tried to analyse him.  "You think I'm a duplicate here to trick you into something.”   


He sighed softly.  “I don’t know what I think yet.  I know what I hope.  I know what I want.  But I don’t know what the truth is yet.  But if there is the slightest chance that my granddaughter is alive and standing in front of me, then I will not, under any circumstances, put her life in danger again.”   


She shook her head at him. “Really?  You look right at me and you don’t even know I’m here?  It’s more like you’re looking through me.”   


He nodded and sighed again.  “I know.  I’m sorry.  But I ask that you respect that.  Respect me.”   


Susan was aghast.  “The last time I saw you, I said I didn’t like what was happening to you.”   


He continued as if she hadn’t spoken.  “…As I have always respected you.”   


“And now you seem to have only gotten worse!  You can’t even acknowledge who I am!”   


He nearly growled in frustration.  “No, I can’t!  I’ve…  More has happened to me than you could possibly imagine.  Most of it was not good.”   


“And you think it was best to give up?  Give in to that!?  You’re not really my grandfather, then!  He wouldn’t give up!”   


The other grandfather popped his head out of the TARDIS doors.  “Susan!  Speaking to me that way has never worked and I don’t think it’s going to work on him either.  You mind your manners or I’ll have to teach them to you again!”  With that he went back inside.   


The Doctor looked at the closed TARDIS doors and back at Susan.  She did the same.  Neither spoke for some moments.  He swallowed hard.  “I… can we just pretend none of this happened?”   


She offered a small smirk.  “No.  Because it did happen.”   


He held up a finger.  “Fine, can we at least not talk about it?”   


She shook her head and the smirk broadened into a sympathetic smile.  “I hope we do talk about it.  I want to know everything that happened to you.  I want to help you get back on the right track, if you’ve fallen off of it.”  She looked down and away from him.  Then moved in to hug him before he could protest.  “Come back alive.”   


He held her tightly for a moment and whispered into her hair.  “Be here when I do.”   


He let her go, then she made her way into the TARDIS.  A moment later, the other Doctor came out of the TARDIS and started to accompany his older self.  He looked around.  “They’re Daleks, aren’t they?  I don’t remember them looking like this, though.”   


The other nodded as he led the way toward some buildings.  “Well, you haven’t met them like this.  The Daleks are masters at mutating.  What you see around you is just the most recent…”  He gasped loudly and painfully, he would have collapsed to his knees if not for some rubble that he was able to lean against.   


The original came closer to try to help.  “Are you all right?”   


The Doctor was breathing heavily trying to stave off the pain.  “I’ll… be… fine.  In a moment.”   


“What’s the matter?”   


“Well, I died a few hours ago.  Too quickly to regenerate.  But then… something happened.  Not sure what.  Kicked off the regeneration.  But I refused it.  It’s like Time.  It catches up with you in the end.”   


Both Doctors moved around to sit down.  But it was the one in plaid trousers who replied.  “I’ve been doing the same.”   


The one in pain nodded.  “I know you are.  But why?  I don’t remember this!  Why are you refusing to regenerate?”   


He sighed heavily.  “Fear.  There are all the questions and doubts.  Will it hurt?  Will it work?  What kind of man will I be on the other side?  Will I like myself or hate myself?  I don’t normally admit such things to anyone else.”   


The one still in pain offered a small smile.  “Don’t worry.  Technically, you still haven’t.”   


“Why are _you_ refusing?”   


The Doctor sighed and slowly stood, enough distance was between their timelines, maybe he could admit it, just once.  “I’ve lived….”   


He didn’t get to finish his thoughts as laser bolts burst forth from the top of a tower.  He started to run for cover and the other followed him.     


They ducked behind rubble as the laser blasts continued to rain down on them.  The original Doctor cried out.  “There something in that tower!”   


“It must be my friend.”   


“Why do you call it your friend?”   


“He’s got a great big gun!  Are you suggesting I insult him?”     


With that, he saw a beam of light and ran into it.  He spoke to the creature in the tower.  “Stop!  Just scan me.  Go on!  Scan me!  Because I’ve got big news for you!  I’m dying!”   


He raised his arms up and the laser bolts stopped.  A moment later, a scanning beam ran up and down the Doctor’s body.  “There, you see?  It’s true.”  He made a popping noise.  “Dying.”  He paused for a moment as he lowered his arms.  “Now, be honest with yourself.  Wouldn’t you like to watch that up close?”   


All the lights went out and a door at the bottom of the tower opened up.  The Doctor started to make his way towards it, but turned around when he saw the other wasn’t following.  “Well, come on.”   


The original Doctor was aghast and sighed in disgust at his future self.  But followed as instructed.  When they reached the bottom of the tower, the Doctor with curls spoke.  “Okay.  The entrance, that’s clear.  I’d better go up alone.”   


“I won’t hear of it.”   


“Look, that thing up there wants nothing more than to see me die.  It won’t miss the chance to kill me twice.  That paradox would rip the universe apart.  And you know how much work it is putting it back together again.”   


The Doctor with white hair shook his head, confused again.  “I do?”   


The other sighed.  “You have so much to learn.  Listen.  You keep a lookout down here so that I can make my way safely up there.”   


Knowing it was pointless to argue, he acquiesced.  “Oh, if you insist.”   


With that, the Doctor started to make his way up the stairs leading to the top of the tower.  He had to use the wall to hold himself up a few times.  He knew his time was running out, but he couldn’t allow the regeneration to happen if the Universe was in danger.  And it had to be in danger, why else would the TARDIS have brought him to the South Pole in 1986?   


When he was close enough, he started to talk to the creature at the top of the tower.  “You know, you're a bit of a legend these days.”  He paused a moment to catch his breath.  “But not everyone believes it.  People don't think that it could happen.”  This time he paused for dramatic effect.  “That someone like you could turn against your own kind… because your kind don't do that.”  He made his way to the very last landing before the doorway.  “People don’t believe that there could ever be such a thing as a good Dalek.”   


With that, he stepped into full view of the Dalek at the top of the tower.  The Dalek swivelled his eyestalk toward the Doctor and spoke plainly.  “I AM NOT A GOOD DALEK. _YOU_ ARE A GOOD DALEK.”   


The Dalek fired his weapon at the Doctor and just missed him.  The Doctor made for cover behind the doorjamb.  Then he spoke again.  “Rusty, you know that I’m dying.  If you don’t want me to go off and die somewhere else where you can’t see, you’re going to have to stop shooting at me.”   


Rusty didn’t even have to think about his answer.  “I AGREE TO YOUR TERMS.”   


The Doctor wasn’t so quick to take him up on his offer.  “Well, I’m going to need some proof.”   


There was a brief pause as Rusty considered his options.  He then ejected his gun and it landed at the Doctor’s feet.  The Doctor murmured to himself.  “Well, today is just full of surprises.”


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor stepped out from around the doorjamb and continued to walk around the room as he spoke to Rusty, the Dalek.  “It's been a long time. Remember the good old days, when I got miniaturised and I climbed around inside you?”   


Rusty’s eyestalk moved up and down analysing the Doctor as he walked.  “YOU TAUGHT ME TO HATE THE DALEKS.”   


The Doctor chuckled mirthlessly.  “Oh no.  You had all that hatred pent up inside you already.  The radiation opened your mind to that originally.  Took me billions of years to realise that and stop blaming myself.”   


“YOU TAUGHT ME TO HATE THE DALEKS!  HATE THE DALEKS!  HATE THEM! HATE!”   


The Doctor tensed with nerves as he expected a shot from Rusty’s gun and only relaxed when he remembered the gun was across the room on the floor.  It didn't stop Rusty from trying, though.  White sparks shot out from where the gun had once been.  With confidence, the Doctor countered.  “That was billions of years ago.  What have you been up to since then?”   


“DESTROYING DALEKS!”   


“Oh yes.  All the ones who come here to murder you.”  He made a gesture with his head.  “I saw the mess outside.”  Then he frowned and shook his head disapprovingly.   


“WHY ARE YOU HERE?”   


The Doctor realised that Rusty wasn’t going to help him avoid the subject.  Pain briefly tore through him again and he leaned against some equipment to steady himself.  He spoke hesitantly.     


“As a Dalek, you’re a genius.  You can access any form of electronic communication.  Anything across time and space.  You’re billions of years old.  Spent all that time hunting Daleks, absorbing their knowledge. So, you are the biggest database I know.  I'd like to access it.”   


“WHY WOULD I HELP _YOU_?”   


“Because,” the Doctor now felt strong enough to move again, “Helping me in any way does something wonderful.”  He moved in closer and stared straight into Rusty’s eye-stalk.  “It hurts the Daleks.”   


Rusty again considered his options.  While Rusty might say the Doctor taught him to hate the Daleks, he had learned something else from him: contemplation of his actions.  Finally, he decided.  “WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?”   


“Everything you have about an organisation called ‘Testimony’.  It’s history.  How it started.  What it’s doing now.  Whatever you’ve got.”   


Rusty began to search through all the information he had.  “PROCESSING… PROCESSING…  PROCESSING…”   


Moments later, he was able to project the information available from his eyestalk.  The Doctor read the information before him.  “Professor Helen Clay, University Of New Earth, year five billion and twelve. There's footage. Can you run it?”   


The projection began to speak, and other projections displayed images with examples of what was explained.  “The Testimony Foundation combines the resources of time travel, with the latest in memory extraction techniques.  The near-dead can be lifted momentarily from their time streams, their memories duplicated, and then their physical selves returned to the moment of their dissolution without pain, distress, or any recall of the process.  Now the dead can speak again.  We can hear the testimony of the past, and channelled through our glass avatars, they can walk among us again.  This is Heaven on New Earth.”   


The Doctor frowned in thought as he listened but waited until it was finished before he shared his thoughts.  “Misguided.  Completely ignorant of the grieving process.  Denies the fact that you ever have to let anyone go.  But, it’s not evil.  I don’t really know what to do with them now.”   


He had expected Rusty to have a reply to that, even if it was some verbal jab at him.  Or maybe to ignore him and play the next video.  But when there was only silence, he looked over at Rusty.  He examined the video and then Rusty again and realised that time had stopped.  “Not again!  Why do they keep doing that?”   


A glass figure stepped out from the projection of Helen and then morphed into Susan.  The Doctor pursed his lips at her.  “I knew you weren’t real.”   


Susan tilted her head at him.  “I’d hazard a guess and say I’m more real than you are right now.”   


The Doctor’s frown deepened at that.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”   


“I’m made up of all of Susan’s memories.  I don’t have a choice but to act, think, and behave as she would.  What about you?”   


He shook his head in confusion.  “What about me?”   


“You have forgotten yourself.  You look back at the man down there keeping watch over you and he is a stranger to you.”   


“We are strangers to each other.”   


“But he shouldn’t be to you!”  She took a deep breath.  This man wasn’t like the grandfather she had travelled with.  Nor was he like the man she had met with Alex.  She had to remember that.  “Why did you steal the TARDIS and run away?”   


He scowled.  “You were there.  You know why.”   


“You wanted to save me.  To save us.  But we never went back.  What happened to change it from running to exploring?”   


He shrugged and found a place to sit down.  “I wanted to learn.”   


She sat down in the small space next to him.  “I know that much.  What did you want to learn?”   


“There was so much the Time Lords never explained.  Questions they never thought to explore.  I wanted to try to answer some of those questions.”   


“Like what?”   


“The biggest question was that of good and evil.  Proposition:  Evil should always win.  Evil cheats, lies, and steals.  Question: If Evil always operates out of those standards, how could Good ever hope to win?  Proposition:  Good is not a practical survival strategy.  It requires loyalty, self-sacrifice, and love.  There is nothing to hold good people to living those principles out other than it is the right thing to do.  Questions: Why does good prevail? What keeps the balance between good and evil in this vast universe? Is there some kind of logic? Some mysterious force?”  He stopped there and sighed.  “I wanted to know the answer to those questions.  Because they were important. Because I thought the answers made all the difference for how the universe functions.”   


Susan smiled at her grandfather, because this was how she remembered him.  “And did you ever get any of your questions answered?”   


He shrugged.  “I’d like to think I’ve gotten glimpses of the answers.  But I don’t think I’ve ever really understood the meaning behind those glimpses.”   


She smiled a bit sadly, but with great sympathy.  "You dash around the universe trying to figure out what's holding it all together.  And you still don’t know the answer.  But everyone who's ever met you knows.  No matter how long or short their encounter with you was.  Even if they had to forget, a part of them remembers the answer in their heart.  How could they know the answer and you don't?”   


“Simple.  I’m an idiot.  I’ve admitted that pretty freely this go.”   


“'This go.' You say that even as you’re sitting here next to me refusing to regenerate.  Why are you refusing?”   


The Doctor hadn’t expected this turn of questioning.  He knew what she was hinting at.  He was grateful she hadn’t referred to River’s words about him.  That would have been far too much.  But, even if this was only a shadow of his granddaughter, he couldn’t deny her memory.  He sighed and raised and arm to wrap around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug like he used to do when she was younger.  “Because at some point, there has to be an end.  For everyone.  Everywhere.  Sometimes those ends mean families are separated from each other so they can continue to grow...  And sometimes it means knowing when to let go that final time.”   


“What about the Captain? You know he has to die at his allotted point in time and space to correct the error.”   


The Doctor nodded.  She was right, of course she was, but in that statement, she was speaking more as Testimony. Though, he had to consider that Susan was right more often that she was wrong.  Even if he would never admit that to her out loud.  He echoed a sentiment he had spoken billions of years ago in that Viking village.  “I'm so tired of losing people….” He released her from the hug and slowly stood.  “But, if the Captain has to die, I have a request. This was my fault.  Let me take him back.  Both of me.”   


Susan again transformed into the glass lady.  “Accepted.”   


With that, the Doctor was surrounded by a teleport.  When the light faded, he saw his past self and two TARDISes in the Chamber of the Dead.  The Doctor in the plaid trousers looked around.  “What’s happening?”   


The Doctor approached him.  “Testimony and I have come to an understanding.  We will be the ones to return the Captain to his timeline.”   


The one with white hair was horrified.  “We can’t do that!”   


“We can and we will.  It was our fault.”   


“How could that be?”   


“You and I tried to die twice back at the South Pole in 1986.  Our lives are woven throughout time and space.  We caused the timeline error that put the Captain in the wrong place.  We created a whirlpool in time that landed him at our feet.”   


The other man didn’t quite believe what he was hearing.  “But why him? What's so important about one Captain?”   


The Doctor shrugged.  “I don't know yet.  What I do know is that everybody is important to somebody.  Somewhere."  He gestured between the TARDISes.  "I’ll slave your TARDIS to mine so that we can give him a proper send off.”   


The younger Doctor was less than pleased, but then he remembered how well the other had piloted the TARDIS and decided that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.  He nodded and made his way into his TARDIS.   


The Doctor still in the Chamber turned to face Testimony one last time but rather than speaking, he just nodded his head and then entered his own TARDIS.   


He made his way to the console and in put the coordinates as he deemed fit and information required to slave the younger TARDIS to his.  Then he caught a glimpse of the Captain, who looked rather pensive.  "Are you all right?"   


The man forced a smile as he replied.  "Yes.  Fine.  Absolutely.  I was just thinking...  I told the wife I'd be home for Christmas.  Funny how things work out."   


He gave him a respectful nod.  To himself, he murmured, "Funny indeed."   


With that, he set the dematerialisation process in motion.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible tissue alert.
> 
> * * *

Two TARDISes materialised on the battlefield of Ypres that was frozen in time in 1914.  Each Doctor exited their respective TARDIS, with the Captain following the one with the tattered clothes.  The crystal figure of Testimony appeared and stood with them.  The two Doctors took in the sight before them.  Then the one in tattered clothes presented the other with his cloak, hat and scarf.  "You had left these behind.  I imagine, you might want them out here.  It will get quite chilly once time is unfrozen."

The other Doctor nodded.  "Thank you, my b... Erm.  Doctor."

With that each article was handed to the other as he dressed to looking how he was when they had first met.  Then the Doctor turned to the Captain.  "Here, let me help you."

With that, the Captain moved down the slope of the crater to move back into position.  Once he was sure of his footing, he turned back to the three who were watching.  "Thank you. Thank you all. You've all been most gracious in the unfortunate circumstances."

The Doctor in the cloak was the one to reply.  "I regret, Captain, that fairy tales rarely come true."

The Captain nodded his understanding solemnly but before he could say anything, Testimony spoke.  "When time resumes, you will not remember this. A perception filter will also render us invisible."

The Captain looked confounded.  "One imagines some of those words were attached to actual meanings of some sort.”  He paused and as he considered the men before him, he realised he had an opportunity.  “One thing you could possibly do for me, if you were very kind?"

The Doctor offered a small smile at the word 'very kind'.  Amy had once called him 'Very old and very kind, and the very, very last.'  He looked around the battlefield and realised that even after saving Gallifrey, in a sense, he was still 'the very, very last.'

The other Doctor was the one to reply.  "Oh, anything. Name it."

"My family. Perhaps you could look in on them, from time to time?"

"It would be an honour. What's the name?"

"Lethbridge-Stewart. Captain Archibald Hamish Lethbridge-Stewart."

The Doctor with silver curls had been distracted in his own thoughts, but at the name, his attention snapped back to the Captain.  The Doctor in the cloak replied.  "I shall make it my business."

With a small pleased smile the other Doctor nodded.  "You can trust him on that.  Even your grandchildren can trust it."

The other two men looked over at the Doctor in confusion, but it was the one who wore his original face that answered.  "Don't tell us.  'Spoilers'?"

The Doctor shrugged and nodded.  Archibald then straightened his jacket and took a deep breath.  "Thank you so much. I believe I am now ready. "

He then moved back into position and aimed his gun at the German soldier.  A moment later, Testimony vanished, and time restarted with the two Doctors looking on.  The one in the cloak shifted his weight nervously from side to side.  The other one reached out his hand and rested it on the other's shoulder.  "You want to run.  I understand.  But watch.  We owe him that much."

"I suppose we do."  It was enough to calm him.

 It was obvious that neither soldier understood what the other was saying, even if both Doctors understood perfectly.  The tension was terrible as each of them fingered their triggers, preparing to do what was obvious that neither of them wanted to do.  Then, just as softly and gently as the snow that was falling around them, someone started to sing in German.  "Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht. Alles schlaft, einsam wacht."

The Captain took a breath and looked around confused.  "I say, is that singing?"  He paused for a moment and listened longer...  "Nur das traute hochheilige Paar." Then continued, "I do think that's a Christmas Carol."

Someone from a different place continued the song, only in English.  "Holy Infant so tender and mild.  Sleep in heavenly peace.  Sleep in heavenly peace."

The Captain slowly started to stand.  "I believe… is it coming from both sides?"

The two Doctors watched on as soldiers from both trenches climbed out, while singing.  They were waving the white flags and were gathering in No Man's Land, greeting each other.  The Doctor in the tattered clothes explained.  "If I've got my timings right, and clearly I have, then we should be right at the beginning."  The pair watched on as the Captain called for others to come and help the German soldier who had clearly been wounded.  "I couldn't do much.  But I was able to adjust the timing.  Only by a couple of hours. Any other day it wouldn't have made any difference, but this is Christmas 1914, and a human miracle is about to happen. The Christmas Armistice."

The Doctor in the cloak looked on, speechless.   "I never thought I'd get to see this."

The one with silver curls continued.  "Neither did I.  And it will never happen again.  Not in any war.  Not anywhere."

The one with white hair nodded.  "For one day. That one Christmas, a very long time ago... everyone just put down their weapons and started to sing."

The Doctor nodded in agreement as he looked on. "Everybody just stopped.  Everyone was just kind."

The other smiled in wonderment and came to a realisation.  "You've saved him."

"Both of them."  He offered a small shrug.  "Never hurts, a couple fewer dead people on the battlefield."

The man in the wool hat smiled at his future self.  “So that’s what it means to be a Doctor of War.”

The Doctor hummed thoughtfully.  “You were right.  Fairy tales rarely come true.  But sometimes, we can help with that.”

They continued to watch as a football kick-about started.  

The two Doctors watched over the Armistice like two sentinels, ensuring that nothing would prevent this Christmas Miracle from ending too soon.  After several hours, the soldiers started to part ways and returned to their respective trenches while singing “Auld Lang Syne”.  

As they left, the German soldiers shook hands with their counter-parts.  The Doctors turned to each other and did the same.  As they shook each other’s hands, regeneration energy again flowed between them.  The one in the cloak spoke.  “I think I’m ready now.  But I should like to know, are you?”

The one in tatters offered a small smile.  “You’ll find out.  The long way around.”

The original pursed his lips.  “Spoilers, I take it.  Well, whatever you decide, good luck, Doctor.”  He offered a tip of his hat towards his future self.  “To days to come.”

The Doctor nodded and crossed his hands so that one was covering each heart to show  respect in return.  “Doctor.  All my love to long ago.”

The original turned and made his way to his TARDIS, heading towards the renewed life that awaited him.

The Doctor watched as the last soldiers parted No Man’s Land.  He saw a cup sitting on some boxes and picked it up to drink whatever was left.  He hoped it would warm him.  It did nothing to help.  Captain Lethbridge-Stewart saw him and looked confused for a moment.  The Doctor held up his cup as a small salute to the other man.  The captain gave a proper salute in return and then left the area.  

The Doctor continued to sit there on the battlefield.  He started to feel the chill of the air and gathered his coat around him.  Everything had thrown his certainty about being ready to never regenerate again into question.  He felt conflicted and he refused to enter the TARDIS again until he had decided.

He didn’t know how long he had sat there.  It was a familiar and soothing voice that broke him from his thoughts.  “Are you okay?”

He looked up to see Susan.  Well, not Susan.  He knew it was Testimony, but right then, he didn’t care.  “Susan.  Shall we go for one last stroll, child?”

“So you’ve accepted it then?  That I can be her?”

He shook his head.  “No.  But my desire for companionship is stronger than my sensibilities at the moment.”

She smiled down at him and offered him her arm.  “Fair enough.”  

He stood, took her arm, and they slowly started to make their way to the remaining TARDIS.  She spoke softly.  “We have encountered so many people who knew you across all of time and space.  Do you know what they say the hardest part about knowing you was?”

“Me flaunting my superior intelligence. My dazzling charisma.”  He looked down at his tatters.  “Oh! My impeccable dress sense.”

She chuckled softly and shook her head.  “Letting you go. Letting go of the Doctor is so, so hard.”

“See?  That’s not the sort of thing anyone who knows me would say to me!  They all know better.”

Susan sighed.  “You’re right.  No one would.  Because we all know if you for one second understood how hard it is for us to let you go, you would never travel with anyone.  You need someone to stop you, so that would be a very bad thing indeed.  I know it’s hard enough for you to lose people without having to think about what they feel like when they lose you.”

He huffed in annoyance.  She just continued.  “I have a Christmas present for you.”

He gaped at her.  “Will I have to pretend to like it?  Because honestly, that mug you made when…”

She giggled softly and pulled him towards her.  “Come here!”  

She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.   He closed his eyes as she kissed him.  Then a chorus of voices simultaneously spoke.  “Merry Christmas, Doctor.”

He looked around and saw all his friends and companions from over the years.  Those he left and those who left him.  Those who had forgotten him and those he had forgotten.  He took particular note of those who had died under his care.  He looked over at Susan.  “How is that possible?”

“We can be everyone.  Through memories, we _are_ everyone.”

With that, the crowd parted as a round bald man and a taller black woman stepped forward.  The Doctor gaped again.  “Bill?  Nardole?”

They replied together.  “Hello, Doctor.”

Bill stepped forward.  “We have a suggestion for you.”

The Doctor smirked.  “Oh there’s a novelty.”

Nardole came forward to stand next to her.  “Don’t die.  Because if you do, everyone in the universe might just go cold.”

The Doctor choked back a sob.  “Can’t I ever have peace?  Can’t I rest?”

Bill nodded.  “Of course you can.”

Nardole continued.  “It’s your choice.”

Susan joined in and said.  “Only yours.”  

Together, the three of them spoke.  “We understand.”

At that the Doctor took a couple of steps away from them.  “No. No, you don't.  You're not even really here.  You're just memories held in glass.”  He held up his hand to show what he meant.  Then he gestured to the crowd gathered around them.  “Do you know how many of you I could fill?  I would shatter you.  My testimony would shatter all of you.  A life this long, do you understand what it is?  It's a battlefield,” he gestured to the place they were standing, “Like this one...  And it's empty... Because everyone else has fallen.”  

He took another couple of steps towards the large group because that really wasn't what he wanted his last words to these people to be.  He raised his voice, so everyone could hear him.  “Thank you.  Thank you all, for everything that you were to me." He sighed softly, because he realised he had come to at least one decision.  "What happens now... Where I go now... It has to be alone.”

Slowly everyone in the group started to fade away, even Susan vanished.  Only Bill and Nardole remained.  He looked between the pair of them and offered a reassuring smile.  Bill pulled him into a hug.  Nardole joined in and the three stood within that embrace for some moments.  Suddenly and before the Doctor was ready, they too vanished.  He stood there bereft for a moment.  He sighed heavily and whispered to the empty landmass before him.  “Time to leave the battlefield.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissue alert (at least I need them).

With a heavy sigh, the Doctor turned his back on the battlefield and opened the TARDIS doors.  He entered tiredly.  He knew what was coming.  But a small part of him was still undecided.   


He checked the monitor as he made his way around to the handbrake.  "Oh, look.  There's the silly old Universe.  The more I save it, the more it needs saving."  As he spoke, he engaged the dematerialisation process.  


" _My dear Pilot, I know you're tired.  I know better than anyone what you've been through.  But, imagine for just one moment what the Universe would be like without you_."  


The Doctor didn't want to argue with the TARDIS.  "Yes, yes, I know. They'll get it all wrong without me."  


" _It's more than that.  There are millions of people who love you.  Millions more who want to simply meet you.  And billions who are alive today because of you._ "  She paused for a moment to let that sink in before continuing.  " _And_ _I love you._ "  


"Then  I suppose one more lifetime wouldn't kill anyone.... Well, except me."  


The Doctor gasped in pain and the Cloister Bell started to toll.  He looked up at the Time Rotor.  "How appropriate.  A death toll."  


" _Twelve times.  In honour of the Doctor who taught me that separation for billions of years can bring us closer together.  Out of respect for the man who always thought of me, even when he had others to worry about.  For the one who grew into a 'good man'. Always for my Pilot, my Doctor, the One I love._ "  


With that, he knew she would time the tolls perfectly.  It was her way, after all.  So, he knew the regeneration was eminent.  But he was exceptionally good at talking this body.  Talking had often changed the inevitable, or at the very least delayed it.  If he was going to regenerate, and since the love from the TARDIS had convinced him to, then he wanted to go as he had lived: on his terms.    


"Alright.  After so many deaths, I know how to do this now.  There are a few things that need to be said.  Basic stuff first."  His code; his promise.  "Never be cruel and never be cowardly.  If you ever are, make amends!  Remember: hate is always foolish.  Love is always wise."  He should stop there, that was really enough, but he knew he had a few moments yet and he didn't want to waste them.  There was something else; something important that he had learned in the Confession Dial. "Oh, and you mustn't tell anyone your name.  No one would understand it, anyway.  Except..."  He gasped in pain and collapsed against the console and fell to the ground.  "Except children.  Children can hear it sometimes.  If their hearts are in the right place, and the stars are too, children can hear your name."  He gasped again as he slowly pushed his way back to his feet.  "Laugh hard.  Run fast.  Be kind."    


" _One final gift for you, my Doctor._ " The TARDIS' voice was soft and gentle.  All at once, the interior of the TARDIS transformed and erupted into a vast star-scape.  


"Oh, thank you.  I always hoped there'd be stars."   


He knew it was time.  He had enough time to get one last sentence out.  And this time, he was going to start the new regeneration off properly.  "Doctor, I let you go."  


Suddenly, the regeneration energy overtook him.  He screamed in pain as all of his cells were turned inside out and renewed all at the same time.    


Then, there was silence and the peace he had been longing for...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very nearly didn't rewrite the regeneration scene, because I still can't watch it without crying! Many thanks to [Chrissy's Transcript Site](http://chakoteya.net/DoctorWho/36-13.html), otherwise this would have taken me many more hours to type up. 
> 
> I have more ideas for AUs, because I still can’t let the Twelfth Doctor go, so this is not the last of my stories for him.


End file.
